Why Do We Like the Bad Guys?
I don’t know how to explain why I’m fascinated by Michael Corleone (The Godfather), by Pablo Escobar (Narcos), Walter White (Breaking Bad) or by any gangster figure played by Al Pacino (Scarface, The Godfather, Carlito’s Way), Robert De Niro (Goodfellas, Once Upon A Time in America, The Untouchables, Heat, Casino,…), Johnny Depp (Donnie Brasco) and the list goes on…
Maybe I’m just into the underdog antihero? Maybe I can relate to these (powerful) characters in some ways…?
“What have you done for the world?”
This is the hardest question that I get every year. Its author: my mom. Month: January.
If I answer this question using some sort of business metrics & a poetic gymnastics of our day-to-day economic jargon and all that corporate BS, my mom would look through it and look at me with so much disappointment in her loving eyes…
“Nothing yet.” That’s what I had to answer.
“Time is on nobody’s side, try harder my son, this goal should be your only focus.” That’s what she replied.
I wish Google could help me better answer her question. There’s not even one blog that collects all possible replies to all possible questions from parents. Come on people! All those useless other blogs, who cares about the 1,000+ ways to tie a tie? Do something useful, what have you done for “my” world??
My mother is certainly expecting to hear on how I helped the poor, how I built a refuge, a hospital, a school; how I created sustainable jobs. Something that any (religious) mom would expect her kids to do. She doesn’t like when we give money to charity without giving one’s time. She believes it’s the easy way out, a way to make the soul feel good, a nice way to cheat oneself. My mom believes that one must give his time and be part of the process of helping the world (and you should still give money too). It’s hard to disagree.
My father asks a different question: “are you successful?” Boom!
What do you reply to that?!? If he’s asking you, that means you’re not successful. He wouldn’t ask LeBron James…
They always conclude their New Year’s wishes with: “You’re our son, as long as you’re happy!”
My father is definitely not genuine when he says that, my mom is, but he isn’t. He’s trying to be politically correct. Before he retired, he read tons of books on parenting and went through various HR training to learn how to deal with millennials, he’s saying all the right things. He’s like a hybrid between your boss and your therapist, he tells you what you want to hear…and from time to time, he asks one of those killer questions that shake your soul.
At their core, my parents view happiness as a state in which you find yourself once you’ve helped others. They come from a different time, my brothers and I just say that “they’re old”. Today, happiness is probably the most selfish commodity, and it’s celebrated as an individual endeavor. And I’m okay with that, I’m okay with the generational gap.
I also share their view that happiness can be a default option — a fallback (personal) plan — nothing really unique and extraordinary as you can define happiness as you wish — and you’d do that when you can’t really achieve anything substantial on this Earth for other people. As a result, you focus on yourself to be ‘truly’ happy, or at peace, or whatever. We both know my parents are right, happiness is “complicated” and my parents’ questions are necessary questions to ask oneself as regularly as possible. Nobody was born to live alone. We’re born into society. Hard to argue against that statement.
At this stage of the conversation, I don’t know whether my father looks at me as if I were Michael Corleone or Sonny or Fredo; I generally give good advice, maybe I could be seen as a Tom Hagen. How do advisors/consiglieres measure success? This is a question for a different day…
“Yeah, I’m actually super happy and very excited about 2020.” No joke, that’s exactly what I answered. That was back in January. I have so many trips which I had carefully planned. Travels always excite my family. I don’t think they care about anything else once they know where your stand as a contributor to this world.
“I’m going to Miami, then Austin, then LA and back to Miami — but hear me out, I might go to Colombia for a long weekend with my guys. And then go back to Asia.” I have my group of die-hard friends, ‘the group’, we often travel together.
My parents and brothers looked at me confused: “why are you going back to Miami, go directly to Medellín, that’s where Pablo Escobar is from, you have to FaceTime us from there. Do a trail if you can. And go to the Bahamas Island where the plane crashed. You’re going to Cartagena and Bogotá?”
Yeah, they’re right. Going all the way to Colombia and not going to Medellín…? It makes no sense, I owe it to Netflix, Narcos was a hit. Pablo’s drive, dreams and ambition. So fascinating!
So why do we love these gangster figures? For once google was helpful, there are a few articles:
- One by The New Yorker: Why Do We Admire Mobsters?
- On BBC: A fascination with gangsters
- This CNN article: Why we can’t get enough of the gangster life
The bottom line: these guys are underdogs seeking success, power, money, happiness. These gangster figures try to be the smartest men in the street, they look for a niche market, acquire the latest tools, break barriers, innovate, fund various projects, they enjoy life, they dream big, they seek freedom (when uncaught), they live & die by the Darwinian Law (survival of the fittest), they value family, their moms and wives, the community, they respect they own rules, their code of conduct, consider honor and reputation as sacred, they are authentic and genuine. These gangster figures make deals and tradeoffs on a daily basis. They live the high life and they own it. They have emotions. They just want to make a living without having to pay the oppressor (whoever and whatever institution that is). They hate regulations too. I know it sounds like I’m describing Big Tech, but I’m seriously not.
Gangsters usually choose activities that are bad for the world. Activities that I strongly disapprove of. I’m against anything that destroys human lives, social cohesion and our planet.
In today’s world, if I wanted to channel my inner gangster, I would probably become an activist, I would be Greta Thunberg. I care about the climate. And I selfishly care about the beaches and the ocean that I love so much…so that 2-degrees temperature rise is my sworn enemy.
Maybe we can build electric planes? I love flying.
But before I go to Miami and plan Medellín, I got a birthday to attend in London. It might actually be the only birthday I attend in 2020.
